The Definitive Top 20 Christmas Songs



  1. Dominick The Donkey – Hey! You don’t like this song?  My Uncle Tony’s gonna come over and have a chat wit you about that.  Eee Aww Eee Aww
  2. Baby It’s Cold Outside – Only Zoey Deschanel can make a date rapey song so damn loveable.
  3. All I want For Christmas is You  You can call it a guilty pleasure, but I feel no guilt.  All I want for Christmas is more Mariah
  4. You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch – This song doesn’t stink stank stunk… also look up the rock version.  You won’t be disappointed.
  5. Rocking Around the Christmas Tree – I fully intend to rock around a Christmas tree or two so any song encouraging my reckless behavior is tops in my book.
  6. Jingle Bell Rock – Sometimes you got to give Christmas a little edge amidst all the holly jolly.
  7. 12 Pains of Christmas – Fine! You’re so good at lists.. You STRING UP THE LIST.
  8. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas – Hippopotamusses love me too!
  9. Jingle Bells – I can still remember the first time I discovered that Batman smelled and the Joker got away… childhood is magical
  10. Christmas Is All Around Us – Kids, don’t buy drugs – become a rock star and get them for free like me.  Now that’s a lesson for the season.
  11. Carol of the Bells – Don’t even talk to me unless the Trans Siberian Orchestra is rocking it out.
  12. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  13. Oh Holy Night   Don’t pretend you don’t belt this our every time you hear it.  Also if you are 30 or younger I bet you hear Cartman’s version in your head.
  14. Feliz Navidad – C’mon Baxter you know I don’t speak Spanish!
  15. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – an endearing tale of overcoming your critics and maximizing your talent to save the day.  A true American marketing story… I might be a little jaded.
  16. Frosty The Snowman – this song is pure nonsense… but it gets bonus points for merriment and ease of remembering.
  17. Silver Bells – Silver Balls
  18. Deck the Halls – Falalalalalalalalala no song has done more with less.  Except for maybe Dropkick’s Shipping Up To Boston.
  19. White Christmas – First, I am not dreaming of such things because that means I’ve got to shovel.  Second… isn’t this song a tad racist?
  20. Christmas Shoes – If I wanted to be caught off guard and burst into tears in the car I’d put some more Mariah on.

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