- Dominick The Donkey – Hey! You don’t like this song? My Uncle Tony’s gonna come over and have a chat wit you about that. Eee Aww Eee Aww
- Baby It’s Cold Outside – Only Zoey Deschanel can make a date rapey song so damn loveable.
- All I want For Christmas is You You can call it a guilty pleasure, but I feel no guilt. All I want for Christmas is more Mariah
- You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch – This song doesn’t stink stank stunk… also look up the rock version. You won’t be disappointed.
- Rocking Around the Christmas Tree – I fully intend to rock around a Christmas tree or two so any song encouraging my reckless behavior is tops in my book.
- Jingle Bell Rock – Sometimes you got to give Christmas a little edge amidst all the holly jolly.
- 12 Pains of Christmas – Fine! You’re so good at lists.. You STRING UP THE LIST.
- I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas – Hippopotamusses love me too!
- Jingle Bells – I can still remember the first time I discovered that Batman smelled and the Joker got away… childhood is magical
- Christmas Is All Around Us – Kids, don’t buy drugs – become a rock star and get them for free like me. Now that’s a lesson for the season.
- Carol of the Bells – Don’t even talk to me unless the Trans Siberian Orchestra is rocking it out.
- Santa Claus is Coming to Town
- Oh Holy Night Don’t pretend you don’t belt this our every time you hear it. Also if you are 30 or younger I bet you hear Cartman’s version in your head.
- Feliz Navidad – C’mon Baxter you know I don’t speak Spanish!
- Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer – an endearing tale of overcoming your critics and maximizing your talent to save the day. A true American marketing story… I might be a little jaded.
- Frosty The Snowman – this song is pure nonsense… but it gets bonus points for merriment and ease of remembering.
- Silver Bells – Silver Balls
- Deck the Halls – Falalalalalalalalala no song has done more with less. Except for maybe Dropkick’s Shipping Up To Boston.
- White Christmas – First, I am not dreaming of such things because that means I’ve got to shovel. Second… isn’t this song a tad racist?
- Christmas Shoes – If I wanted to be caught off guard and burst into tears in the car I’d put some more Mariah on.